I'm not happy anymore

by Mr Lister
(Yorkshire, UK)

Me and my wife have been together for 10 years. We were both 22 when we got together and at face value we have the 'story book' life - The house, a child and another on the way. But something is missing and I'm no longer happy.

Over the years our intimate relationship has almost completely gone. We don't hold hands, cuddle and rarely kiss. We have almost become best friends who are room mates. We get on so well - we don't argue, or shout. There is no bitterness or nastiness in the household.

The house is full of love, but for some reason it's not enough. I don't feel that we're in love any more, or at least that I'm in love.

Right now it's killing me as I want to open up about how I feel but I can't. My wife is 7 months pregnant and it has been a complicated pregnancy. I don't want to bring up any issues that are going to cause upset or distress to my wife and the baby. But I know, in holding it all in, I'm hurting myself and I'm not acting myself at home. My work is suffering as this is all I can think of.

I've had niggling doubts over the years but they have never materialized into the feelings that I have now. I guess I felt that our relationship would pick up again. But I miss the intimacy, the butterflies, the excitement and the feeling of being in love. There's got to be more than this.

I know that once the baby is born and things settle down I can open up about how I feel, but part of me feels like the longer I hold it back then the more detached I'm going to feel. Then of course there are the kids. If it comes to a separation, I don't want anyone to be hurt but I grew up with 2 parents who no longer loved each other but stayed together for us and it wasn't a nice environment.

I just don't know which way to turn. My head is full of confusion but the only thing that is clear is that I'm not happy and I want to be happy.

Has anyone been in a similar situation?

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Eugene Kayser, lic. Marriage & Family Therapist

418 Stump Rd., Montgomeryville, PA 18936


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