Indifferent

by Tanya
(Texas)

I had an arranged marriage. I was really excited and in the period of courtship I realized that my fiance made small remarks about my face having a fat nose and that my dress was weird.

when I told him I felt bad, He apologized. And told me he loved me. After we got married I realized that he had a lot of anger issues. he shouted at every one except me. I was studying in a city three hours away Nd saw him on weekends.

When we moved in together he started shouting at me too. Slowly even in public. It was humiliating everytime he would apologize and repeat. He then started treating me like a cook. And when I wanted to go home he wouldn't let me. It wasn't even because he missed me. he said he can't love a person or miss them without knowing them for 30 years.

i told him I did not want a loveless marriage and wanted a divorce. That next moment he started apologizing and he was trying to be better. But it feels fake. Nothing he says is affecting me anymore.

Good or bad. I don't want to be divorced. But I don't like him. I wait for him to leave to work..I feel like cheating and I don't even care. inspite of this I don't want to have a divorce. I would rather stay alone and pretend to be married to the outside world