My husband and I have been married 24 years, have 4 daughters, the last nearly finished with high school. We've had a pretty good relationship, rarely argue.
About 2 years ago my husband hired a 20-something young man to help him with a building project fairly remote. This young man was in a relationship with a lovely young woman. The guys got along really great. They had a terrific bonding, enjoyable experience on the project. One odd thing though was the suggestive and joking around about skinny dipping or other suggestive possibly homosexual activities. It all seemed in jest. I know my husband is very fond of this guy and they worked again on the project last fall. This young man lives quite far away so we don't see him anymore.
A few months ago while looking for a text from our daughter on his cell phone ,I came across a text my husband sent to him. "I'm at the cabin drinking rum... alone. When are you coming?" The response from the guy was simply that he couldn't see how he could come unless there was a project.
Innocent? But the other day I found another after my husband had gone to the doctor. "Had a prostate exam yesterday and thought of you, of course, Love, A." This text shocked me beyond belief. The young man has not responded yet or my husband deleted it, I don't know why he wouldn't have deleted all of these conversations.
Am I crazy? I don't know why a prostate exam would remind my husband of him. Is he being really funny? One time a while ago, I mentioned to my husband how I noticed him watching this young man in a restaurant for an abnormally long time. He was so angry that I could accuse him of being homosexual, which I wasn't. He says he loves me and has not wanted to be with another.
Is this an innocent friendship between my husband and this guy?
Eugene Kayser, lic. Marriage & Family Therapist