Is he not attracted to me anymore?

by Courtney
(Canada)

So... I have been married for 6 years and in a relationship totaling 11 years with my husband. Intimacy over the last few years has become awkward I have noticed, and less and less frequent as I would like. I find that I am the instigator 100 percent of the time.

He has mentioned several times along the way that he doesn't have a very high sex drive and I can believe that due to our history... however for me i guess its more important. Today I went through his internet browsing history and found several dates over the last month that he has been looking at porn. I feel i trust him and know him well enough to know that this is a new thing.

I am not against it at all however i noticed he looked at it last night prior to us having sex and i am feeling gutted. I feel insecure, embarrassed, ashamed of myself... and although i didn't want to have the conversation with him today we vaguely got into it briefly before i cut him off. He told me he has been looking at it to basically "feel something".

I am 34 and he is 39... reality is i feel betrayed and that he is hiding things from me on top of feeling humiliated with myself that I can't make my husband "feel something". I have so much going through my head at the moment.. i know i am not going to sleep tonight.

I have already made a home in my spare bedroom. I am unsure and scared as to whether I can recover from this? How am I ever going to be able to be intimate with him again knowing that I am not good enough. Am I supposed to get plastic surgery? Am i supposed to join the gym and hibernate from him until I look like I am 25 again? I need help... :(