Is my family crazy, should I cut them off?
Hi, please help me figure out my family or what’s going on here. I live in my family home with my mother and brother, the house belongs to everyone. I did pay bills for the past years and bought groceries every month and still buy groceries and all the overwhelming chores.
My thing is we have agreed that he’d pay more of the bills while I handle the cleaning and taking care of my mother. I started to do all that and still was looked down on and felt very unappreciated. It’s like I have no say so and I know it’s more than just contributing.
My brother would go in my room all the time and takes my things without asking, and when I go to ask if he took it, he would say no and accuse me of being paranoid. Finally, I started to lock my door when I came back to the house with my daughter; my door was unlocked. So I calmly asked if he opened it he automatically walks to the door which is now opened obviously and points at it saying it’s opened. I said I left it locked, and took a deep breath and told him please don’t go on my room without asking me. He says I’ll go where ever the I wanna go.
You been tripping and started yelling at the top of his lungs calling me stupid over and over following me all over the house saying I think ur on drugs, mind you I don’t do drugs and he knows that well but he does every now and then. He kept going, and we yelled at each other. He then said u better chill the hell out before I call the people and tell them you’re crazy they’ll take your daughter from you, so I said call them you a child molester.
I was shocked since he works in a mental hospital and knows things about that. I knew right away as soon as he made that comment that he was going to beat me and tell everyone I was acting crazy when I was walking away from him the whole time, and he is following me outside saying you’re stupid. I took my daughter and left. When my friends started to call and tell me he called them saying he’s worried about me and that I was acting crazy.
He called multiple people, family members, and friends, all while I was shaking from anger and couldn’t drive had to stop at the park to get my self together. I don’t have problems with anyone else, just my family. They don’t seem to understand or even want to hear me. I’m not at all crazy I have graduated both high school and college while none of my siblings or mother did. I’ve accomplished a lot before moving back home, and btw I do come from a different culture. My thing is once my daughter told me my brother touched her.
My heart dropped. I brought it to my mother, who automatically said he would never do that your crazy and paranoid. And dismissed it I think she also asked him. It doesn’t make sense to me why he wants to make me look crazy; he also has been going in my room and breaking certain things — or moving my keys around. Idk what to do it seems like he wants to cause me to harm but
IDK why. The only thing I can think of is that it’s either true that he did something to my daughter or he is just scared..... y siblings would leave all responsibilities on me we lost our father last year who was an amazing man very sensitive, caring, and educated just like I strive to be. He was bedridden, which meant we all needed to help, my siblings all three of them left all of the responsibilities on me alone.
Changing him every day and he was a big man. Feeding him through a tube, once he fell off the bed and I wasn’t home, my brother called me freaking out. “You need to be where you’re the only one that knows about this. And all they had to do was pick him up off the ground or call an ambulance. But I got there and called the ambulance and made him comfortable and cleaned him on the floor. It was difficult, but I would do it all over again any day because I loved him, and that is what you do for your parents when they reach up in age.
That situation caused me more stress because my dads illness went on for a year or so in and out of the hospital sleeping there, only me. Now it seems like my siblings are grooming my daughter and me to do the same for my mother because she is way more stressful and needs a lot of care and attention. I wouldn’t mind doing it also if I felt love or respect from her. Instead, she is always talking down on me, nothing like my father who’s always been positive and supportive.
Since I lost him, I feel so alone and like they’re all showing their true colors. My siblings are comfortable while I’m running around doing the family’s responsibilities and don’t have time for my own I haven’t been able to hold a job in a long time, but I work every day doing different things to earn money, like Uber or translating. I just feel so sad all the time, and lonely they all sit around laughing and joking we all live together, so it’s difficult and lonely.
I feel their energy change when I walk in the room, so I started to isolate my self, which probably makes me look depressed even more, which I don’t think I will be if I leave. Ughh! I’m not financially stable, so trying now to save and afford an apartment. My biggest concern is that I would never forgive myself if he has hurt my daughter. She’s an honor roll student once she got one but of all A’s, mind you, she’s only in kindergarten, I tell her great job and how proud I am of her.
I leave and come back to her writing "I will be a better student" over and over. She said her uncle told her to write that, that’s just a small example of the everyday turmoil he puts us in. He comes up behind her and scares her while watching tv, I’ve told him multiple times stop your giving us anxiety doing that laughing, and he would tell the man I’m playing you’re too sensitive. Right now I don’t talk to him after the argument and keep my daughter away from him as much as I can, but since we’re in the home together, it’s difficult at times. Sorry for rambling on.
Eugene Kayser, lic. Marriage & Family Therapist