Is this normal in a marriage
(Memphis Tennessee )
I have been married to my husband for 15 years. And every time I say I love you to him it isn’t true. He is always underneath stress he says. Or he is the most negative person ever. We have 4 kids together. Which I have stayed home with and raised. While he woks. He always tells me that we are behind because of me not working. And he resents me for not working. So I get two part time jobs recently but still he says it’s chump change and I’m not helping until I have a full time job. I make $1,300 to $1,700 a month. Still get up every morning at 3am make him breakfast and lunch. Get him his clothes out for work. And take kids to school, watch our other two little ones. And make sure house is clean. Where he doesn’t even have the respect to pick up his dirty clothes. I pick them up everyday. I even take two of our little ones to work with me at one of the jobs I do. The other job I do is a night job two nights a week. So he is forced to watch the kids he says. Calls or texts me I am raising circus folk that don’t listen. He is referring to our kids. We were both raised really different. I had a single mom who wasn’t around that much because she had to work 3 jobs. So I had to have a nanny when I was younger and when I got older my oldest sister took care of me. So he says I was raised wrong and got to do whatever I wanted so I’m letting the kids do whatever they want. Calls them banshees. Where he was raised in fear with yelling and hitting by his mother. Or forced to eat cold dinner for not behaving. Locked inside closets and put outside in the snow with no shoes. He yells at the kids all the time threatens them. He says kids should fear there parents. Which I am completely against. We have a 8 month old baby. I am the one that gets up with him 5 nights a week. And when I do work nights I don’t get to go to bed before I go to work for a couple hours because he needs to relax for a couple hours when he gets home from work he demands. If I stand up
for the kids or myself he will break my belongs such as phone, eye glasses, my grandmothers belongings, cuts up my credit cards. Puts my purse in the dog food bag. Says he will make my like a living hell if I disrespect him again. When I get home from work in the morning he makes me feel bad about making him watch our kids. Says I’m more of a roommate than a wife, calls me horrible names such as a loser, crazy, psychopath. He has taken a baseball bat to my car and started hitting my car for disrespecting him. When I tried to leave with the first child. He threw all of our stuff out in the front of the house even my sons stuff. I was stupid for coming back to him with his promises he would change. When we were younger he held me down and poured two gallons of milk all over my face for disrespecting him. I’m fearful of him. If I do stand up for myself or our kids he will get physical with me. He has broken my foot before by taking a chair and slamming it down on it. I’m afraid to leave him of what he will do to me. I have told him a couple times I want to move with the kids to another state by my family. He starts to brake stuff. Put my keys in the toilet. Tells me I’ll never see my kids again cause he’ll take them and he will put my name to shame. When my oldest was 3 it broke my heart when he would say I want a new dad. When I get home from work in the morning I have to hear from my oldest dad just screams at everyone all night. Or my 6 year old says I’m afraid of dad. My 3 year old says dad is mean he needs to go into time out. I really thought I could put up with this until the kids were all 18 or older. But he gives me anxiety and fear every time I hear his voice or he walks by me. I never say anything to his side of the family. They believe he is the best husband and father. When we are in front of them he acts completely different it sickens me. I don’t know how to leave. I’m afraid to leave. I’m fearful of what he will do.
Click here to post comments
Join in and write your own page! It's easy to do. How? Simply click here to return to Relationship and Counseling Forum.
Eugene Kayser, lic. Marriage & Family Therapist
418 Stump Rd., Montgomeryville, PA 18936