Is this normal
by James C
I have been in a relationship for 8 years. We have a 5 year old son. I always wanted more children but my wife decided she only wanted one as she did not enjoy being pregnant. I struggled with that for a few years but I have now got over it.
We have no sexual relationship since pregnancy and since I have provided her with the space and contact she has needed. As well continuing and trying to be romantic and doing extra things to avoid her being over tired. However since about 2 years ago i have given up trying as I was constantly rejected and we only had a sex once a year when she wanted to and everything was on her terms. I started to feel very low. I have brought this up to her that I feel rejected and everything is on her terms and conditions from when or if we have sex to what we can do over the weekend or see at the cinema.
She knows I am upset and has really not tried or done anything about it and continues to ignore me. But when she needs comforting or asks for comforting with hugs I am still always there.
About 2 years ago I went to Australia for a friends wedding. She did not want to come as the flight was 17hrs and was worried about traveling with our son. I accepted that but then she later booked a holiday with my son and her going to USA, the day I got back from my trip. So i didn't see her or my son for 4 weeks. I told her I was not happy and I don't want to miss out in family vacations going forward.
Well a few days ago she told me she had been discussing and planning on going to Disneyland with her parents and my son. She asked If i wanted to go but she said she will need to know that day as that is when the best prices are available. I said ok you could have told me you were planning on going. But i said sure Ill come. Then she said actually it is too expensive if you come and that she just wants to book it. I told her i don't like to miss out on family vacations and that it felt as if she didn't have any intention of me going on holiday with her. In the end I told her it is up to her. She never responded until today and said i booked the tickets and we are going for 9 days.
I always try to avoid saying NO. But i feel she just abuses my good nature and i just get taken for a ride. I am so upset and feel totally done.
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Eugene Kayser, lic. Marriage & Family Therapist
418 Stump Rd., Montgomeryville, PA 18936