I’ve possibly ruined my marriage
To put this in context I have some severe mental problems. Over the last month or so my depression was worse than ever (I’m hopefully going to be doing better soon due to a med change) but during that time I didn’t realize how bad the house had gotten (he isn’t home often because of work so it was all me) and it got beyond terrible. I also apparently didn’t show any love or affection to my husband when he was home and just stayed in bed without even talking to him more than a few sentences when he called.
What made me realize what’s going on is my husband told me that he doesn’t know if he loves me anymore and told me it seemed that I was just “there but not” then told me I didn’t even take care of myself. Next he told me that he needed time to think and figure out what he wants. This was close to a week ago.
I’m doing better with the cleaning and what not. I’m starting to try to take better care of myself. And I’m doing my best to give him some time to work things out, I’m scared that it’s only going to make it so he thinks I don’t care but I’ve read a lot online and am giving him time.... well trying to.
We have talked about all of these issues the first night and we have just plain talked a few times since and he isn’t sure if he can be happy in this marriage again.
To be honest I know this was a preventable situation but here I am. How do I make this situation right or at least better? Is there anything I can do while giving him space to let him know I DO love him? And how can I ever make this up to him?
A part of me is distraught and keeps saying that I ruined this marriage.... but till he hands me papers I’m going to try what I can to make it better.
Eugene Kayser, lic. Marriage & Family Therapist