Just Need Advice

by Anonymous

Ok, I have been married to my wonderful wife for almost 15 years. I love her to death. I believe in my vows...for better or for worse, till death do us part! That is where most marriages go wrong (I believe).

My problem is that my wife is really playing with my head right now. She has had 2 back surgeries, and I told her rather than her go to work every day and hurt like the dickens, then she can stay home and be a homemaker. We don't have any kids. She doesn't drive, never had a license so she is pretty dependent on me. I have a fairly good paying job so the money situation isn't a problem.

When she was down with her back I cooked, cleaned, did the dishes, laundry... everything. I even washed her hair and helped her shave her legs because it hurt her too bad. Both times her back was screwed up I did this all the way up until her recovery was good enough that she could handle things again. I figure that I am the one that works all day that she can at least keep the house clean. I don't mind doing a little cleaning or laundry but she can do the majority of it.

Now, 6 years later my back is screwed up (what luck). I have still been going to work and going to multiple doctor visits because if I can't work then we lose everything. She has a job online that she can do to make a few dollars here and there, but it is a job that you only work when you want to, if you don't work then you don't
get paid... you can work as much or as little as you want...simple! I asked her if she could do a little bit more of that so we could have a few extra bucks since I am paying doctor bills for me now. She just brushed it off and hasn't done anything. Now she pulled a muscle in her back and says it hurts her to do anything, so she is just sitting in her chair.

I am once again cooking. cleaning, doing the laundry, taking out the trash, feeding the dogs, dusting, everything while she sits in her chair because her back muscle is pulled. She hasn't slept in the bed with me for over 2 weeks because she says she just can't sleep at night, she sleeps all day while I am at work. My back is killing me and I am in the process of trying to get it fixed but I can't get a break.

I feel as if she doesn't care that I hurt and that it is all about her. Like she thinks... I don't care that you hurt, I hurt worse no matter what is wrong, so you do everything for me.

Am I being a jerk? I feel like I am being unreasonable to ask her to help out even though she has a pulled muscle. I have 2 herniated discs in my back that I am going to get epidural injections on next week.

Can someone give me advice? What can I do? If I tell her about it then she says I am being unreasonable and telling her that she is a terrible wife, even when all I say is please help out a little bit!

Click here to post comments

Join in and write your own page! It's easy to do. How? Simply click here to return to Relationship and Counseling Forum.

If you would like to receive the Couples Guide Newsletter containing articles on relationships, please sign up below.

Visit  The Relationship Forum  to get and give advice on your relationship issues.

If you're struggling with your relationship, this is the place to talk about it!
Our counselors will answer your questions.
And you, our readers, can offer advice from your experience.

Eugene Kayser, MA, MFT's profile on the Gottman Referral Network