by Lorraine
(Tampa )

I’ve been engaged to a mostly wonderful man for the last 3 years. We moved into together with my then 16 yo and 18 yo daughters. Their father is dead so he isn’t a factor in whatever I decide.

My older daughter has mental health issues with anxiety, depression and borderline personality disorders. He moved out after 2 years due to his own difficulty dealing with her day to day moods and sometimes difficult and unpredictable behavior. We have continued to date and live apart but both of us are frustrated that we can’t have a real married life together and need a change.

I’m going to have to make a decision in the next few months about whether we break it off and try to restart our lives and get what we both want or whether I try to move my daughter into her own living arrangements. It would still be somewhere close, probably in an apartment close by. But I am worried about possible negative consequences of her living on her own and feeling abandoned by me or not being able to cope with normal life stresses and decisions on a daily basis.

Please help. Any advice on responsibilities towards adult children vs second spouses and my rights to have a romantic relationship would be welcomed. I’ve asked various family members and friends and get mixed answers.

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