Hi. I am talking to strangers here because I can't talk to my husband. He believes there's nothing wrong and shuts me down when I try.
My main frustration is his lack of care towards me or our 2 children. What I mean by this is that he mostly sits on his phone whilst I'm running around after the kids and doing the housework. In his head he has the right to do absolutely nothing because he works 12 hour shifts, say 50 hours per week whilst I only work 3 days per week (I'm a nurse so its mentally and physically demanding).
I get that I should do more than him, I completely get that but I am only asking for 10 percent of help from him. When I say he does nothing, he does cook sometimes, say 1-2 times per week but other than that, doesn't do the bins, bath times, nappy changes, clean up after himself etc etc. I feel like I can't go out and leave him with the kids..I usually leave the youngest with my mum and the 3 year old with him and even then he will send me a text asking me to come home because my son misses me. I went to my aunt's funeral the other day and he moaned at me for taking so long, (he was left with the kids). He'd only change a nappy or bathe them if I'm on a late shift and even then he moans.
It's not just that.. He doesn't care about me or my well-being. There's no compassion, care or love, a very selfish man. If he has 4 days off work in a row and I'm at work, my mum still has to mind the kids because he needs rest days. I asked him one time, can you please just have one of the two kids for just one of the days and he said no. He loves them dearly I know, he just doesn't like the work that's involved.
I'm tired and sad that i've resorted to this..and I'm waffling, sorry. Advice please.
Eugene Kayser, lic. Marriage & Family Therapist