Maybe she wasn't the one for me, but deep down I wanted her to be. Why?

by Alexandre

I'm 21/M, she's 19/F, we've been talking for around 7 months and I think it got romantic along those months. To be honest, never thought she'd be this important to me, cause I never believed in online relationships til I got to know her.

One day, she got really mad at me for some reasons and got cold out of a sudden, tried to talk to her but she kept cutting me off. She didn't mention anything that I did something stupid that got her mad. She never told me why she got so mad and just suddenly cut me off until we started talking again October last year when I greeted her on her birthday. We stopped talking for about 6 months and cause we're far: I'm in Germany and she's in LA,USA.

I stopped bothering her cause I thought I was annoying her cause she kept cutting me off although I wanted to keep in contact with her so bad. And then this year she greeted me on new years eve and left me a long message... and then we got to that point the conversation above where she told me she already was dating someone and everything was just not built to last for us at least not in this life. She didn't even tell me she came here in Germany last December, cause she was so mad at me that she ignored my worried message cause there was like a firenado that happened in California last december i guess.

So i messaged her asking her if she's ok but she just left me unread. That time when I asked if she was fine, she was actually in Germany for vacation and she never said anything about it instead she just ignored me. I guess she dumped me, I never really got over her, didn't see other women or date cause maybe really fell hard for her that I don't want to think that it's over between us and i was hoping it was still there that somehow I could make things right that we could go back, I think I'm the only one who's still hoping for it to happen I guess I got it bad for real but I have to let this go . For the best, for me. Right

So here's our last conversation:
Me: right. Hopefully you
took what I said and my apology seriously, don't worry I won't annoy you anymore i'll try my best to not do that. And I hope you got the closure that you needed. I just wish you the best of all this world could give cole, please be safe always. And I just want to say ich liebe dich one last time. Danke schön and sorry for everything legit drug dealer heh. <3 night
She: thanks
SHE: U always send the most annoying good bye
ME:Right. I guess I'm special :P
SHE:You are
SHE said: I really wish that we can be friends, I texted you because I missed you and also I needed to know the truth. I wish you lied so I can just stay mad at you forever and have all the courage to totally erase you from everything. But you're right I'm already dating someone, he even saw our messages to where I left you on read with your long message (that was when you greeted on my bday) and he keeps asking but I don't know what to tell him and told me "its just that you don't usually talk to a guy and like him easily and u get so picky" I guess you became really special. I think he's going to be so mad at me if he found out that I messaged you recently but I guess we will stop here. I really liked you I thought somehow we can meet and work things out. But I was so stupid to think that and should've thought that before. Please don't reply to this message. I know it's not your thing but block me. Good night and take care always ❤️ at least we had literally a good bye because I usually leave you unread
Me: This is exactly what I needed cole thank you. Blocking isn't necessary. I don't like that. It would be ironic if I left you unread, it's more like your thing so you don't reply to this message please heh <3​
She: Hahaha I will miss you
Me: hah just don't miss me too much and I will miss you more

That's the last part. I think I got it bad, I got all emotional and it sucks losing her. How can I make this easier for me. Please help out

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