Me and my fiancee cannot come up with a living agreement, and our baby will be here in 15 weeks!
So here's the short history of us before I tell you our problem:
Tim and I met in December '18, he's the manager overnight and I was just one of his stockers.
We started dating in May '19, right after he broke up with his girlfriend of about 4 years. After she moved out of his house she texted me screenshots of him texting her "I love you, she was a one time mistake, please move back with me" and telling her personal conversations he and I have. He told me he told her that because he didn't want her to think he dumped her for me, so he wanted to re-break up on good terms so she wouldn't be upset anymore (I still know that's a bunch of BS but that's over with now). After a weeks of arguing we finally got over that hump, he doesn't talk to her anymore and we are happy.
We, despite being on birth control, got pregnant in July '19. Needless to say it threw us for a loop because that's moving WAY too fast (I'm only 23, not ready for a baby), but after we came to terms with it we're actually very excited, we even had a nursery at his house (I live with my mother still).
When we discussed living situations for us and the baby he told me that he bought this house with his money. His parents were only living there for now until they find their own place but that since we have a baby now, he told them we needed them to be out by January so we had time to fix up the house and move my stuff in and find our own routine before the baby was born (In April).
I found out only a few weeks ago after moving some of my stuff in that he had lied and never told them that, they were never going to move out. He's now telling me that I'm making this up and he never said any of that and that he doesn't think we can do this on our own even though we both have good work schedules and plenty of money from our jobs so
he needs his parents there for the first few years. He refuses to kick his parents out even though his parents told me "We can go anywhere we have a ranch in mexico, we have a house in brownsville and we have other children we can live with nearby" so they have no problem leaving and understood. Especially because his parents have a history of being disgusting, I've gotten sick more than once because of his mother leaving cold food out for the whole day then putting it back, and I get sick when I eat it (salmonella and stomach, viruses when you're pregnant isn't fun), the house is infested with house roaches because she leaving food out everywhere, because shes a hoarder so out of the 4 bedrooms, garage and shed, she has her stuff stuffed everywhere but our bedroom and I had to cram all my stuff in that tiny bedroom, and because they've been verbally abusive to me, WHILE PREGNANT, on multiple occasions. And on top of every thing else I have a severe PTSD from being raped by 2 family members for about 9 years straight so living with a grown man the same age as them (his father) makes me very uncomfortable and would cause panic attacks on occasions.
Tim is now saying I need to get over it and he won't tell his parents to leave just because I don't want to live with them. When I suggested we get an apartment on our own he says he put too much into this house to leave it. I told him even if it was just temporary until his parents move out they can take care of the bills while they live at that house since they put so much money into it already anyway, and when they're gone we'll come back, he still says no I need to get over it. I moved back into my mothers house but she has paranoid personality disorder and borderline alzheimers so it's not easy living here either. I'm stuck either way and he doesn't seem to understand, nor care. He refuses to find a compromise or common ground ANYWHERE and our baby is almost here. What can we do?
Eugene Kayser, lic. Marriage & Family Therapist