Moved from another country
So my husband and I are from another country, met in college I moved to the US in 7th semester, we ended up breaking up. Like 2 or 3 years later I decided to go back to my country to finish school and we got back together, but I was supposed to go back to the US eventually, talked about it decided that we didn’t want to go thru the same thing again, and decided to get married so he could come with me until I become a us citizen and then move back to our country. At that time we were both students or didn’t have great jobs, got married and like 3 months later I moved back to the US, had a long distance relationship, I was traveling back and forth as much as I could. After a year of marriage I got pregnant, by this time we both have good jobs in our country and our life was good, but my whole family lives in the US and my mom is a woman that needs medical care and I can’t afford to lose my green card. He promised me year before this that he would move to the US until I got the citizenship, but his career was good now and we were in a totally different situation than when we got married but he decided to go thru with his promise and now we had a baby. We moved together after 3 years of marriage and as soon as we got to the US it has been hell for me. We move into my parents house when we first got here, and lived there for almost 6 months in a small room, with a 6 month old baby. Six months was the longer we had been living together since I was going back and forth, so of course there was a fight over pretty much everything. He started working construction because he doesn’t speak English, after never doing labor work in his life. I
tried as much as I could to be the best wife possible, not bother him because I had been in his shoes before, alone, going to school and everything he was going thru, I had been before. After like six weeks of working construction I asked him to quit, because it was hard for him, it was hard for me to see what I had made him do for our family, changing his nice clothes for construction uniforms was really hard for both of us (we are both CPAs). He quit and got a job in a food company, and I also got a job at another factory, he has been doing really good, he is a hard worker, has been promoted and is making more money that I am. We moved out into an apartment and things got a little bit better, but he doesn’t help me with any of the house chores, like none. I finally graduated and when I got back started working in bookkeeping which I love, I’m the one taking care of our son things, he never helps me do anything unless I specifically ask him to and he does it wrong or half way. Goes to work, come home plays on his phone or watch tv. I don’t tell him anything because I know he must feel awful. I have expressed to him how tired I feel all the time, we get into huge fight that last longer every time, we can’t communicate anymore. I don’t feel like having sex anymore because I’m always mad at him, and he doesn’t seem to understand that there are things that make me mad and that I need help with the house, and thinks I’m just being mean by not having sex with him. I just don’t know what to do. What to say, sometimes I just want him to move back and leave me and my son alone, but I know he love his son and he just don’t go back because of him.
Eugene Kayser, lic. Marriage & Family Therapist