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My husband doesn't want to spend time with my family

by Pamela
(Washington)

Hi there,

I need some advice. My husband usually has a hard time spending time with my family. My family and I are very close and we see each other once a week. I don't ask my husband to come to our weekly dinners and he will usually come to family events like b-days and holidays. The problem is that he usually doesn't talk too much and in our recent 2 day trip he had an attitude the whole time. I became extremely angry with him because I'm not like that with his family. My husband says he cannot connect to family and he doesn't know what to talk about with them.

I feel really hurt and I don't know how he can engage more with them. I just don't understand why he cannot put more effort on this when he knows family to me is very important. We don't have kids yet, but I'm terrified that this will get worse with kids. Please help me.

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Jun 23, 2021
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When it comes to the serious stuff, I feel all alone
by: Anonymous

It is so comforting in a way to see other people are in the same boat or more or less same boat. I just suppose I feel like I need to express myself because I am feeling so hurt and alone right now. But what someone said here makes a lot if sense to me now.

I grew up where I visited both my grandparents all the time. My parents made effort to see both sides of the family and that is all I knew and thought that was how the world functioned growing up. I realize now...my husband is closer to his mothers parents but not his fathers. He doesn't see his fathers mother and family and family as there is not effort from either side. It never bugged me, but now that something serious happened in our lives, I see now that upbringing my have an affect to his mind set or something. He has never really been close to my family, even thought we were raised together (his family and my family's parents were best friends) but I always interacted more with his family than he did with mine and so down the line we got married. He doesn't always want to visit my family, I now stay in a small town with his family, we actually live in the house next door. I am so involved in his family and really love them, but when I won't to go visit and see my family, he is never keen and will rather use work as an excuse or something.

But now the shocking thing for me is, my dad had a heart attack. He is old and he is way past pension years and still working(i come from a big family) and many om my siblings are still very young and so my dad feels he has to work to pay off the house and all that. My dad is sitting in hospital, needing to have a bypass soon and so my siblings and are sitting down discussing help pay off the bond and assist financially so my dad can stop working and stressing.

My husband doesn't want to lift a finger. He doesn't want us to spend a cent. He is not supporting me at all. It feels like my dad has done so much for me and all he ever has done is love all of our spouses with unconditional love, and this is how he reacts. My heart is a little broken and I just feel down. Like I started out trying to search somewhere on the internet, if anyone has had similar situations...but reading some peoples posts, does help.me understand a bit better...

Jun 17, 2021
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Ready to leave my marriage
by: Anonymous

I have been married for 16 years in a blended family. I have no family in the city we live in. My husband never wants to come around my family and when they come around he barely talks. I just don't understand it but will talk to others. I would think a husband would try to build a relationship with the wife family because that is a part of her. I just don't get it when my parents die why should he even attend their funeral what is he there for he don't know them or can speak on their behalf and they didn't know him! I grew up where both of my parents family were close we had gatherings together. That is where I get my sense of family from. When I met my husband that is what I saw with his family but apparently I was wrong. I have so much resentment built up because I helped take care of his grandmother and mother before they passed away. My parents are getting old and its like he don't care about them and don't go around them. My parents send bday gifts, fathers day, and xmas gifts to him and my stepchildren he don't even call and say thank you. I stopped taking my stepchildren around my family because I felt he needed to be there also. Our child together just doesn't understand why he don't go around. I just try to instill in my children the value of family and not isolate yourself from them.

May 26, 2021
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Accept it
by: Anonymous

I am in the same situation but I kind of accepted it. I think that my relationship with my husband is the most important one and it will be very stupid if I leave him because of that.

If you see your parents alone and he doesn't mind than what is the problem? You can't force him to like people that he don't.

I understand that his weird mood around them is making you angry. You can talk to him with calm tone of voice that for you it will mean a lot if he try more to be nicer with them.

Nov 30, 2020
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Hard to answer this one
by: Anonymous

Wow - the advice from that man was bad advice in my opinion. However i am in a similar position and it seems many women are.

I came here looking for advice on it and i certainly don't think slabbering over my husband will solve the problem and be seen to condone his moody ass behaviour. I honestly am at a loss over what to do except to leave my husband as i can't deal with the stinking surly moods he gets in when it comes to my family being around. Not great advice but better than elevating your husband above your family i think x

Apr 16, 2020
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Husband doesnot spend time with my family
by: Anonymous

I THIS HAS been my wife's problem with me. I love the one one one companionship with my wife. I feel that when I am with her family her attention gets divided. Even her family members treat me respectfully just because I'm married to my wife. After a hard weekend I feel like spending a weekend where I also am given the control to decide how we would like to spend time. A feeling of playing a second fiddle comes in. A feeling of forcefully talking to people who I don't connect with comes in to play.....I feel that if you start making your husband feel always special when he is with your family ...like praising hI'm genuinely in presence of your family. Always take a second opinion of your husband in presence of your family members.This could work. You could try always to sit next to him and hold his hand while interacting with family members may definitely work. See its different for males like me or your husband. Your family is NOT his family for him. Hence an extra need to express that your husband is your number one priority is required. Always ask him for his of approval when say your mother or brother in law or even children have demanded something. I'm sure your hubby loves you. You need to change your approach. Regards.Riyaz.India.


Feb 24, 2020
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Any response
by: Anonymous

Hi Pamela

Did you get any response on this? I am going through the same with my husband :(

Its unbearable. I do everything with his family even though. I have connection problems with them too. Been there for all visits and events. Just so hard for me.

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