My husband is alienating our neighbors and the money that comes with them

by Janice
(Los Angeles County )

My husband is a carpenter who has been working in our little community on odd jobs for the last 8 years. Recently there have been some neighbor problems. We have a new menacing neighbors and our other neighbors have been reported to the county for property infractions. So things are a bit tense. We have an unusual shared space with the infraction neighbors who have been long time friends and they have asked us to change the dimensions of a building on the shared property. It is a very vague situation and made us uneasy about our relationship with our friends. My husband has always had giving an helpful presence in the community. Recently he has been combative with the menacing neighbors, bull headed and stubborn with the infraction neighbors, and today at a job he is working on for one of our community members he told her that he could only work a half day because there was a football game on TV. Most of the money he makes comes from jobs in our community and I’m afraid that this poor attitude will loose future jobs and our standing in the community. The lady he is working for had others scheduled behind my husband’s work and my husband told her that she needed to reschedule the other work so that he could watch this game. Yes it is a holiday but I feel that he took the job so it is bad practice for him to do that to her.

I am worried about this bad attitude and am mad that he would do this at a job. Am I over reacting? If not, I don’t know how to approach this without it turning into a big unproductive fight. Does anyone have any suggestions or thoughts?

Click here to post comments

Join in and write your own page! It's easy to do. How? Simply click here to return to Relationship and Counseling Forum.

Eugene Kayser, lic. Marriage & Family Therapist

418 Stump Rd., Montgomeryville, PA 18936


If you would like to receive the Couples Guide Newsletter containing articles on relationships, please sign up below.

Visit  The Relationship Forum  to get and give advice on your relationship issues.

If you're struggling with your relationship, this is the place to talk about it!
Our counselors will answer your questions.
And you, our readers, can offer advice from your experience.

"You gave us counseling without making either one of us feel that you were taking sides.
You always maintained your impartiality with us. You encouraged Rita to be more assertive in stating what she wanted to get from your counseling sessions, as well as what she wanted to get from the relationship.
You taught both of us better communication between ourselves, which lead to an emotional comfort level between us that didn't exist before.
You took control of the direction of the session if things were not moving along.
Thanks so much
for helping us."

Rita and Mark

Eugene Kayser, MA, MFT's profile on the Gottman Referral Network