My Husband is bothering me.
I have been married for 4 years. These 4 years have been so rocky. It started out with verbal and physical abuse but then slowly got better where it reduced a little bit. My husband would take any chance to bring up my past relationship and use that against me even though he himself had a relationship. To this day he denies it and calls himself "clean", w/e that means.
Moving along the 4 years went by with misery, I had a daughter. I left him on many occasions due to the abuse. He has never been the kind of husband I wanted, caring, loving someone you can count on to be there, someone you can depend on. I try my best to help him, support him, wake up early prepare his breakfast, lunch anything possible. Where he has excuses for everything I ask of him. He would never help around with the house. Just comes home sits on his laptop and expected dinner served to him and all his needs met. I no longer have those feelings for him. I am always frustrated with him, I do not want to get intimate with him as I am always mad at him.
He does the chores a bit, dishes and all, but I have to chase him around to actually help me out. He will never make the effort to actually do it. It is like he ignores everything and that makes me oh so mad. Like are you blind, DO YOU NOT SEE STUFF THAT NEEDS TO BE DONE. Then I hear the rants of "WHAT THE HELL DO YOU DO FOR ME". I would throw him birthday parties get him surprise gifts. Something he has never done for me. First he never wanted to do anything for me because of my past. Now I really have no idea. I have talked to him and have told him that it feels good when someone does these little things for you. So, once I stopped doing all those special gestures for him he feels that I do not care, but yet he still won't do anything for me. Even though he realizes how it feels when someone doesn't show they care. He feels he is entitled to everything.
At this point, I am so tired of him and tired of playing the mouse and cat game. I feel like he will never learn and there is only so much I can do. I care about him but there is no LOVE. It's just frustration, anger and hate. I am not saying that I do not have faults, but I have tried to do my best to make him feel special and good by providing everything I can. I just do not know how to handle it anymore.
Eugene Kayser, lic. Marriage & Family Therapist