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My husband threatens me with divorce when he’s angry

by Mj
(USA )

My husband and I have what I think to be a pretty good marriage. We have been together 8yrs, married for 4, and have two young children. We argue a couple times a year if that, but when we do, it’s bad. He is especially sensitive if I complain about him in any way, this time was about housework.

I was irritated because he has been spending so much time playing video games instead of helping me with the kids and any housework. He took that as me insinuating that he is lazy. Instantly he is screaming at me that I should leave him because I’m obviously not happy. He ALWAYS goes to this no matter how many times I tell him that I am happy, just not in this exact moment. I don’t want a divorce over dishes, that’s absurd, but I feel like I should be able to ask him to help out more without being told to “find someone else.”

Throughout our exchange he tells me - he’s miserable, he only married me because he thought it was the right thing to do, he isn’t in love with me anymore, he isn’t happy. He does this every time we have a big argument and apologizes later. I asked him when he stopped being happy with me and he says he doesn’t know, but just a few days ago he was telling me how much he loved me and how he feels so lucky to have me. It’s so confusing.

I don’t think he actually wants a divorce, I don’t. But I don’t want to be threatened every time I have any kind of problem in our relationship. I feel like I don’t trust him now, I don’t feel safe or secure with him. I have expressed to him multiple times that he can’t throw that word around and tell me to leave him, how upset it makes me. I just don’t know what else to do, I feel like he is giving me an ultimatum. I do not want a divorce and I don’t want to put our kids through that but I don’t know how to make him stop saying this.

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