My mind is in a muddle...

by FamilyLife
(England)

My family has a good life, and I'm afraid I am about to mess it up for everyone.

Hubby and I have been together 12 years, married 8, with 2 BEAUTIFUL girls (5 and 2). Both girls are confident and happy. Hubby and I work full time.

Up until 6 months ago I juggled school drop offs, work and house chores (supper, bath-time, bedtime). I did not begrudge this, but I was tired! I then got another job due to big pay increase (we were struggling financially), and hubby had to take on more as I work longer hours and travel further. I'm excelling at new job and still very focused on my girls. Financially we are in a much better place.

Hubby and I don't fight... We just pass each other by. My focus is work and kids, his focus is.... Not entirely sure.

Sexually we have not had much passion. I thought that was because I'm on anti-depressants, but I'm starting to realize that actually I am just numb toward him. I have sex with him because I know he needs that, but I drag it out as long as possible because I hate the routine of it. Should I mention I'm 30? I feel like I should feel more, WANT to be with him and touch him. He is very good looking, but I feel no connection.

I've told him this, he got upset and says if I leave he will lose everything cause he loves me, and I don't doubt that he loves me... But I need and want more. Maybe not now, but one day! My fear is I will meet someone who I connect with, and would never cheat! So rather get out whilst it's amicable and because I really feel nothing, rather than wait for that to happen, and cause bad feelings.

Sounds clear cut, right? Problem is, am I nuts? We might pass each other by, but we don't fight. Kids are happy, we are 'content'. Should I be messing that up just because I feel like there should be more in a relationship. Do I grit my teeth and bare it?