My mum is trying to destroy my marriage....
(Glasgow Scotland )
I need help about my current situation. My husband is originally from Greece. He has traveled throughout Europe for the past 10 years for work and came back to his home country in early 2016. My husband knew my parents first and they were on the best of terms. I wasn't interested in starting a relationship because I was working and wanted to be single. But after many messages that turned into phone calls, I got feelings for him. He told me he loved me and would like to come over to see me and my family.
So in September 2016 he came over. He had been in a relationship before two and half years ago. They had been together for three years and then split up. He came over and we hit off straight away. We visited many places and he got along with my family really well. It was only for 4 days after that he had to return to his job in Kuwait.
Anyway, all was full of happiness from both families. He went to Kuwait and was there till January 2017. We got engaged in November 2016 as we felt a connection together. So he came over in January. He paid 2500 for a flat for six months straight up and paid for all the furniture so we could move in together. My family were against this because they're a strict Christian family but I moved in anyway as we were to be married in may 2017, and wanted to make sure we were living together so we were compatible.
We got along fine and all was well until a few weeks before the wedding. My mum was in charge of the wedding. My husband wanted a few changes in it and she got mad and stopped speaking. Thankfully a few days before the wedding they made up (my husband went around to their house and apologized). The wedding day came and it was a fantastic wedding and thankfully no arguments.
Fast forward to the end of may my parents got a job about three hours away from us but wanted us to take on their council house because I was pregnant. It was three bed-roomed but was a bit of distance from both of our jobs. Not only that it was mouldy which had caused health issues to my mum and brother. We decided against it.
The night we decided I phoned my mum and she was angry. So I passed the phone to my husband so he could also say why he didn't want it. This was the worst mistake I made. She became abusive then passed it to my stepfather who called my husband a wog and son of a bitch. My husband went berserk!! And that was it, no one spoke to one another.
I called my mum every night and she kept saying to divorce him. He slowly began to realize what she was implying on the phone and started having major temper outbursts. Destroyed two of her paintings, three phones and a Christmas tree in the next six months. When the baby came early 2018. They didn't come and see me at the hospital even though my husband had phoned them and told them how I was doing and was very civil with them.
Then my mum kept pressuring about the flat above her flat down at their new place. She kept going on and on about it. We didn't have jobs there and we didn't have the money to move either. My husband went for a training course in Greece and I went to my mum's. I
eventually gave in about the flat because I was 6 weeks postpartum and thought it would be a great idea. My husband was furious I hadn't discussed it with him even though on the train down to see them I had said I wouldn't take it. We argued and began hating one another. He came back but at the train station he blew up, grabbed my arm and tried to break my phone and we both went separate ways.
When I was on the train he apologized for his behaviour but I wasn't having it. Then the next day he tried to commit suicide which all my family members laughed at...he tried to hang himself but someone manged to see him. They still laugh at it now making jokes saying he's an over dramatic Greek.
Anyway, I didn't go and see him at the police station as my mum was saying he was unstable and the baby and me didn't need him. I was exhausted by everything...and just gave in. I know to many I sound weak but I was only 6 weeks postpartum, hardly had any sleep. I was sleeping in a bed with my daughter and she kept waking up multiple times at night. Might be a pathetic excuse but my hormones were everywhere and so was my mind.
Anyway, my mum told me to cancel the old flat we had together and to tell him I had cancelled it and he couldn't get in it. I was the one who had signed the lease of the flat so he had no rights. Also I was the one with the bank account both of our wages went into it but he had no card so he borrowed mine on days he needed it. Well he had no money or a flat so had to go to his aunts and uncles in London. He was begging me to come to him but I wasn't taking any of it. My mum also brainwashed me into thinking he could get into my online banking account even though he had none of the passwords.
He returned to Greece as he had no way of staying in the UK. Once he was there we began to rekindle as my mum got her own way and brainwashed me into getting the flat. But instead she took the upstairs flat with her husband....while I live downstairs with my brother and sister. Also I'd like to add I'm home taught along with my brother and sister....its weird but it's like she can't let us fly from the nest.
Now I'm beginning to resent her more and more! I see what she has done now I'm in a stable place. My sister also said she's unstable. Her own relationship is one of abuse and manipulation. My stepdad has been stabbed, bottles broken on his head, laptops thrown at him, punched and verbally abused. He can't watch any TV or games with women on it. And he can't go to shops alone or even to a petrol station or she goes ballistic. She has ruined my Christmases and birthdays because she likes to be the center of attention. She's a very loving mother to us children....honestly she has done alot for us but she makes me afraid of bringing friends around because she says their useless and idiots.
Now my husband wants be to reunite in Greece for a couple of months to get our relationship stable again away from relatives. And also all my family dislike him just because my mum has brainwashed them into thinking he's a bad apple.
Any thoughts on this would be appreciated.
Eugene Kayser, lic. Marriage & Family Therapist