My wife's ADD and perfectionism is driving our family apart

by anonymous

We have been struggling as a family for the last several years. I was listening to a clinical psychologist describing the root problem with ADD: it is almost impossible for ADD people to prioritize and as a result they are always late and their demands are constantly changing. EVERYTHING they see needing done has to be done before they can do something like leave for an appointment. When I showed my wife the clip, she said with tears, "That's me!"

Although she has recognized that she has an issue, her attitude toward our resistance has not changed. I used to do those things that pleased her as an expression of my love for her. However, over the last few years, I have tried to figure out those things that I need to do to keep her from getting upset... It's a losing game.

She is to the point where there is so much that needs fixing around the house that no effort of mine is appreciated because no matter what I do, there is something else that is causing more distress. Our sex life is non-existant. Whenever I compliment her, she becomes self-deprecating. It is seriously depressing.

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Eugene Kayser, MA, MFT's profile on the Gottman Referral Network