Name Calling

by Shelly
(NY)

Hello,

This is my first post here so any input on the subject will be greatly appreciated.

Big picture: Husband and I have been together for a bit over 4 years, living together for 1.5 years and officially married for 4 months.

Before anything I’m VERY far away from being the perfect wife and my communication skills really suck sometimes — because of a pattern learned from my dad and partially because of language barrier (I think I speak English well enough but when it comes to expressing my feelings it’s a bit harder for me to do so in another language). That said I have a tendency to give him the silent treatment very often and I’m aware that it can be extremely frustrating and that’s why I started therapy.

Like any relationship we’ve had our ups and downs. Regardless anything I strongly believe that respect is the base of any relationship. My husband has a really short temper and has called me names twice in the last 2 months. Once at home and the last time on the street (after also telling me to go f*** myself). I know if it was I hearing this from any other person or friend my first advice would be leave him now, but that’s easier said than done.

I sought advice in other groups and people keep telling me it’s abusive and all that. I’ve read a lot about all types of abuse and I know that many of his attitudes could be considered as mostly emotional abuse. I’m not trying to make it seems what he’s done smaller than it is but I’ve also read stuff that I’ve done and I know myself that I’m not an abuser and any other person would say that, including my own husband.

Anyways I know a deal breaker is relative and changes from person to person, so my question is: would I be dumb to give him another chance? Any other similar experiences where the other person actually changed and stopped the “abuse”? How long did it take?


Thank you,

S