Needing advice of husband with insomnia
(Park city, utah)
My husband and I have been together for 4.5 years.. His insomnia started about 10 months into the relationship. This caused him be very depressed, not hold a steady job, not be able to have an Intimate relationship. We miraculously have a son who is now 2 years old.
It’s been very difficult for me to be a mother, be a wife that he needs, work full time, and try to have some sanity for myself. My husband has always been great about asking me how I’m feeling and trying to support me in any way he could. He’s offered me an “out”, but I always wanted to stand by him and make it work since he didn’t ask for this to happen to him and he’s a good person.
Last year, I quit my job, left our dog, car and belongings behind to go to Brazil, which is where his family is. He felt like he needed the support of his family during this hard time for him. I agreed and we spent 3 months with my family and 3 months in Brazil with his family. We moved back to UT where we were before hoping everything we be better after this “life break” we took of having our parents supporting us for 6 months.
It has only gotten worse. We argue at least weekly. My argument is that he wants everything to go exactly his way and that’s why we’re not improving. When I tell him I am stressed or complain, he says I have no reason to complain because I am not the one dealing with insomnia. I feel as though my stress is valid too. He wants to go back to Brazil again because I am not creating an environment for him to heal. We are now in a dilemma of what to do with our son and he feels as though I am guilty for the entire family separating.
Is he right or am I valid in my feelings too? I'm open to hearing anything. Thank you in advance!
Eugene Kayser, lic. Marriage & Family Therapist