No fool like an old fool
I have always had secret desires, and always been too embarrassed to talk to anyone. I have always wanted and longed for a girl to hug and kiss, even when I was a small child. I fell in love with any nice looking girl on the tv, but was always too embarrassed to be seen to be interested. As a teenager, I had lots of really beautiful girlfriends, but never wanted to commit, was too afraid to have sex in case they got pregnant, and found excitement in voyeurism.
I eventually got engaged to a girl, but was badly hurt, when she went off with the person she was babysitting for, when I was stationed in Germany in the RAF.
When it was eventually over, I had no self esteem, confidence, and no matter what I did or tried, I couldn’t get a girlfriend. I was down, lost a lot of friends and colleagues because of my depression, in the mean time, I lost close family and my faithful companion police dog who was my solace.
It was ten more years before I had another girlfriend, it was someone I had known when we were younger. I was now a civilian, and desperate for someone to love. We had a baby after one year together, and married the following year. We have been married now for 36 years, and in that time I never once looked at another woman. I wasn’t in the slightest interested, even though I was in the tempting position of being in the entertainment business, where females would be only too willing to offer themselves.
Quite by chance, I met a Romanian doctor, and for no apparent reason, fell hook, line and sinker.
Two years down the line, I am still infatuated with this lady who is going through a bad divorce, and I help her all I can. This is not a sexual relationship, due only to her good morals, telling me she will not date married men. I don’t know why I feel like I do, she is my junior by 25 years. She said she would date me if I was single, and I think this has been forefront in the deterioration of my marriage.
My wife knows her and admits she is drop dead gorgeous, but would die if she knew that we have been messaging for all this time.
She now says that she doesn’t see me as someone she could love, more like “an old friend”. I wanted to curl up and die. I treated my wife abysmally, and am trying to piece our marriage back together. The trouble is, I would drop everything to be with her.
I can’t tell a soul,
There’s no fool like an old fool
Eugene Kayser, lic. Marriage & Family Therapist