Not sure about anything anymore. Is it me?
i met my partner 6 yrs ago. He was my friend's brother. She told me he liked me, and didn't seem to have a problem with dating him; that was until i did date him. Everyone seems to all of a sudden be on my back, why i don't know.
First off, my partner would come to me all the time telling me what his sister had called me and my other friend. Time and time again he reported back to me about what his sister and friend (both my friends at the time) were calling me. Very bad accusations actually.
Then before i knew it, his sister and my other friend were coming to me saying that he had been calling me. i was childish but i couldn't seem to stop it all. before i knew it i had lost his sister as a friend and my other friend.
Then i started receiving calls from his ex-partner, very abusive ones. He actually sat there while my phone was on speaker and listened to the threats on my life that his ex and her new partner were making, and did and said nothing. In fact he didn't react in anyway.
This happened on lots of occasions. While he lived with me he always came home very sullen and never happy looking. All he ever did was come home, sit there watching tv with a tea and cigarette, then another and another and not really doing anything. He takes me wherever i want to go, but when asking him on lots of occasion to actually take me out to socialize in a bar or somewhere different than toby for a meal, his reply is i have better things to spend my money on. Aside from driving me where ever i want to go and take me away in a touring caravan he owns, he doesn't take me out.
i don't know if this is all just me and being over-reactive. Recently we had a long break up, can t really remember what it was over now, (but it would be my fault
as it always, is no matter what according to him, as well as the other things i am in his eyes).
Any way just before we broke up, i had very troublesome health issues that took a turn for the worst. While we was apart and i was dealing with my health and the constant hospital appointments, he texted me constantly, telling me i was this or that or the other. The next thing i found out was that he had bought my dad a car behind my back. i am not even sure as to why he did this as they never had exchanged numbers or stayed in contact before now. All the conversations were withheld from me by my Da and by him.
On approaching my da he apologized and yes both parties are to fault, except he would still never tell me what had been said in any conversation between my dad and him. He also visited on occasion to my parents house of which he had never done before. He decided to tell me in a round about way, in other words by rubbing my nose in it (ie, oh u never guess where i have been today and what they had to say, u wouldn't believe how been calling you and it's not my family) things like that etc.
We have just had another tiff and yet again all this with my dad and family is starting up again. He refuses to tell me what is being said, then tries and puts some sort of blame on me for asking by saying "what u got to hide from your dad etc etc ). i already fell out with my mother due to all this when he first did it, due to some lies he was telling her, and she believed them over me.
i am so confused as he twisted everything and makes me look like the bad one. Is this me or what? I am so confused as to why he would do all this and still carry on. Please please advise, much appreciated in advance.
Eugene Kayser, lic. Marriage & Family Therapist