Old issue that wont go away

by Lee
(Denver, Co)

Many years ago my wife left me and over the course of the five weeks she was gone, saw another man. We reconciled and I found out about him later and when I confronted her, she simply said it was "none of my business." As this became an unresolved issue it came up from time to time.

I just wanted to know the details because 1. We were married and 2. I think it's fair for me to be able to decide what I can and can't put up with to move forward.

She eventually said nothing happened that he tried to kiss her and that was the extent of it. She gave me a half-hearted apology and I tried to learn to accept it. We have had kids who are older now so it is fair to say I accepted it but it does haunt me and I think part of it is I wanted her to show some compassion and some understanding. I thought that might help.

The trouble is I get triggered from time to time about it and it really bothers me at a gut level. I wonder if she was honest with me mainly, but I suppose I'll never know. In many ways we are happy, but I don't know how to put this out of my mind or keep it from bubbling up to the surface.

Click here to post comments

Join in and write your own page! It's easy to do. How? Simply click here to return to Relationship and Counseling Forum.

If you would like to receive the Couples Guide Newsletter containing articles on relationships, please sign up below.

Visit  The Relationship Forum  to get and give advice on your relationship issues.

If you're struggling with your relationship, this is the place to talk about it!
Our counselors will answer your questions.
And you, our readers, can offer advice from your experience.

Eugene Kayser, MA, MFT's profile on the Gottman Referral Network