My husband and I have been together for 11 years, married for 8. We have one child together 9 years old. 2 months ago he told me he wanted out. He said he wanted a divorce, that he has felt this way for the last 5 or 6 years. He also said that he loves me, but he's not in love with me, and doesn't know if he ever was. He even went as far as to say he never wanted to marry me, because we married young at 20 and 21. We fought all the time, he felt like I tried to be his mother instead of his wife, which has created a lot of anger and resentment towards me from him. He's also said that he hates me or has hate towards me.
When we first separated he said he wanted separation papers done fast, well I made some and he didn't like them so he came up with his own, and I didn't agree to them, so I did the smart thing and took them to a lawyer and had the lawyer draft some separation papers which he seemed mad about even though he told me to go to a lawyer if that's what I felt I needed to do. Since he has gotten the papers about two weeks ago I believe, I've been asking him to let me know something about them he says hes not signing them, so I asked what it would take to get them signed and filed, but he still hasn't sat down to go through them with me like he said he would. I mean this is what he wants but he keeps putting it off it seems.
I talked to him yesterday about our relationship. I told him I loved him and didn't want to see almost 12 years go down the drain, he said he loves me too (and it was the first time he's said he loves me without saying that he wasn't in love with me), but he doesn't know what he wants, and that he wants to live his own life and do his own thing right now, but he says he's thought about coming home, and he said he would give the things I said to him some thought and that he would really think about coming back.
He says he doesn't have anyone else but I just have this gut feeling he does plus when he comes around to see our child and when he has her she says he's always on his phone and I've noticed it too.
I just feel confused. I don't know if I should force the issue of the separation papers or wait to see what he does. I sort of feel like he's waiting to see if whatever he's doing is going to work out before he decides if he wants to come back to me or not, like I'm his back up plan.
Eugene Kayser, lic. Marriage & Family Therapist