Sex issues

by Lucy

So I glanced through a couple sex issues that men have posted about and I feel like I can relate to their wives. So, this is a question for me regarding my husband.

Our second son just turned one and I recently stopped breastfeeding. I also was on an antidepressant for postpartum depression which I weaned off several months ago. Both greatly affected my sex drive. Not to mention having a 4 year old hang on me all time and a baby feeding from my breasts. Do I don't want to feel I have to give my body for someone else's needs. I work full time and a lot of the housework plus taking care of our boys is on me.

So, it's hard when my husband hugs/kisses me for the sole purpose to have sex. I understand he has needs and I'm really trying to meet everyone's needs. But what about mine? Could I not be cared for without him thinking about himself? I try to have sex with him once a week, and no, I'm really not interested at all. I think this is because he's not meeting any of my emotional needs. hugging and kissing me doesn't cut it bc I know what that's for.

Now, sex has turned into another thing I have to do. And I almost dread it now. I especially feel that way now reading other men's statements saying they have to find sex outside the marriage since their wife isn't into it. So we have to want it all the time AND look for new ways to please our husbands?! I am trying to at least meet his need weekly and still feel that isn't enough.

What should I do?? I told him about spending time with me many times but if he's not getting anything out of it, he doesn't want to. Kind of seems like the wives are put in a losing situation.

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Eugene Kayser, MA, MFT's profile on the Gottman Referral Network