Sexless and Desperate

by Tony
(California)

My wife and I have been together for 9 years. Married for 6, with 3 children. She’s the only woman I’ve ever been sexually intimate with. I know she had a history prior to me. We’ve talked about it and she let me know some of the crazy and adventurous things she’d done sexually before we met.


I went into our marriage thinking that we’d be able to fully explore sex without shame, having fun with it and discovering different ways to please each other. But to the contrary, sex has been boring, at best. It happens for us maybe twice a month on a good month, and it’s been this way since we got married. The longest we’ve gone without sex is 4 months (yes, I counted). Turns out that her libido is ZERO! At times I feel like I’m not desired. There are times when I’m in the mood and express as much in various ways, even blatantly, but her reaction make me feel ashamed and dirty, like I’m a pervert for mentioning sex. If she’s asleep when I get in the bed, she instinctively tucks the covers under her, or sleeps with a body pillow between us.

I feel rejected 80% of the time, and 15% of the time just out right discouraged from even touching her in bed. The other 5% were rare moments during her pregnancy when she was hormonally horny, probably once each pregnancy.

I’m seriously struggling. I love my wife, and I don’t want to cheat on her. I really don’t know what to do or how to cope. I’m literally typing this sleeping on the couch because I don’t wanna be tempted to touch her and feel the inevitable rejection that follows, but I can’t sleep. Help! Advise?

Sleepless and sexless

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