Shall i give him another chance

by maya

Hi All,

I recently got married on 6th June 2016, in the court (against my and my husband's family). We dated 2.5 years before we took a decision as there were many conflicts between the families. Cutting the long story short, he did tell me that he is having some business setbacks, so for initial 6 months i have to support him financially as we are both independent (to which i agreed). The man i thought I married was my well-wisher and my protector, but as soon as we got married, he was a different human being.

i was paying the rent, bills, my car and his car's emi's, grocery, going out, phone bills (basically everything). One night we both went out and we both had few drinks, but he was a bit over the limit, he dropped me home and asked me to go upstairs whilst he would park his car (please note: my phone battery was dead, and the charger was in the car in my handbag, which he knew and will get it with him on his way back home). We lived on third floor.

After i came back home i waited for him for 15 minutes but he didn't turn up. I then called him from my landline (the ringer doesn't work on the handset), which he replied that he met a friend downstairs and is coming shortly. So i lied down in bed and i don't know when did i fall asleep to wake up to hear shouting and howling outside the door. I quickly ran to open to see he called up my mother (widow) that your daughter is sleeping with a man and not opening the door for past one hour, the landlord was there and so was the maid who lives next door.

he came inside once they left and he bashed me so badly by throwing phone on my face for which i had a swollen black eye, he kicked me several times by throwing my on the floor, he then dragged me from my hair from one room to another accusing me of sleeping with someone.

my mother rang the police meanwhile and he left straightaway. So he later bribed the cops which he told me later
not to arrest him. Also the SHO gave him a warning, as me and my mother thought we wont press any charges till i get back to normal. I had 6 bruises on my body including my black eye. I was traumatized. He apologized to everyone and admitted to his mistake in the police station and also gave in writing that he has lifted hand on me, and will never do it again, and if done again, a serious action should be taken against him.

so thereafter i came back to my mothers home and called up his mother (who was not in talking terms with me), but I had to tell her what her son did to me. Anyways, he apologized million times to my mum and me and swore that he would never do it again. I thought to give it few days till I make my final decision. So within 10 days I told him that I cant be in this marriage as I am horrified and he can't beat me up so much if he loved me truly.

Thereafter he went home and told everything to his mother, who came to speak to my mother with him and abused my mother so much and made her so much against me. I was at work when him and his mother came at my mums house and humiliated, harassed and abused my mother beyond imagination.

She then called my mother the following day that she is with a lawyer and the divorce cannot be filed till the marriage completes one year and then she started abusing my mother again. He still says that he loves me so much, but my question to him is if he did love me so much a) he wouldn't have beaten me up so badly b) he would stop his mother for abusing me in front of my mother so much. But he didn't do any.

So please please tell me shall I give this marriage or this man another chance, even if we decide to live separately from his family (like before), or shall i just file for a divorce which will take one year to process as we are only completing 6 months of marriage. Please please help me.


Click here to post comments

Join in and write your own page! It's easy to do. How? Simply click here to return to Relationship and Counseling Forum.

If you would like to receive the Couples Guide Newsletter containing articles on relationships, please sign up below.

Visit  The Relationship Forum  to get and give advice on your relationship issues.

If you're struggling with your relationship, this is the place to talk about it!
Our counselors will answer your questions.
And you, our readers, can offer advice from your experience.

Eugene Kayser, MA, MFT's profile on the Gottman Referral Network