She wants to live seperatly to find out why she is unhappy
Ive been married for 15 years. We were the couple everyone wanted to be. We were fun, finish each others sentences, laughed so much. We have 2 beautiful children but life gives you bumps in the road. About the time we had to declare bankruptcy, her best friend who was like family, cornered me on when i was wasted at a party we were at and tried to take me upstairs. I kissed her once but then refused to finish what she was trying to start. We never spoke about it again.
Life continued and we moved to Georgia. The last year in Georgia, my wife started to become severely depressed. Stopped cleaning and even stopped looking for work which both bothers me but concerned me. After a year of this, i told her to find a job where we grew up and she did. We moved there and 4 days after arriving she said that she didn't want to be married anymore.
I sacrificed so much those years down south my patience for the comments and the lack of trying along with her BEST friend, the one who cornered me and kissed me, now formed a coalition where i was the problem all along. She brought up what i wasn't doing and what i was doing wrong. She told me she wanted a divorce with her friend whispering in her ear. i let her know what kind of best friend she had. I listened to her about all the things i did wrong and vowed to change and get her back and I did......for 3 months.
Things were going great until i saw whatsapp on her phone. I asked her to delete it without going through it and she said she would. I asked to check the next day to see if she did it and must have surprised her that i was able to find it in like 1 second. Now, we are back to the "i just dont want to be married anymore" phase and that she is not cheating. I mostly believe she isn't,but don't know if she is reaching out there to see if there is someone that can take her away from major depression and living paycheck to paycheck.
She says she loves me but wants separate apartments to give her space to figure things out.....like a "walkabout" i reluctantly agreed to this but i cant understand the "i love you very much' comments to the instant cold when i want to start talking about marriage counseling.
I could really use advise here guys. I'm at the end of my rope. I'm bending back so far here, i don't want to break. I also don't want to push or smother her away either. What should i do?
Eugene Kayser, lic. Marriage & Family Therapist