Should i move again so my husband can see his son more?

by kelly

I have been with my husband for 6 years; his son is 7. My husband is in the army and has been seeing his son one to two weekends a month when his job allows.

I gave up jobs and friends to move to different cities five times now, and we are currently living in my home city. We have been trying for a family and are on the waiting list for ivf.

I have always said i want to be near my family when we have a baby. Now that the ex-wife has a new partner and family, she has been causing dramas. One minute we can't take him on holiday and we can't see him. Then we can.

The latest is that she wants my husband to leave the army and move four hours drive away to have a shared residence. She has messed about so much in the past and is only doing this now because it suits her.

My problem is i have told my husband from the start i don't want to live in his hometown. And now we are happy and settled here, why should we move again?

Am i being selfish or not for wanting to be close to my parents when we start a family? Please help me!

Comments for Should i move again so my husband can see his son more?

Average Rating starstarstarstarstar

Click here to add your own comments

Nov 26, 2011
Don't Move
by: Anonymous

When your husband met you, he knew you were your own separate person with your own needs and ideals. He already knew it was painful to be away from his son.

It's not your fault. You are the stable relationship in his life now. He will always have a hole in his heart connected with his son. Even if he lives next door to his son, he won't be as much in his life as he would like.

Jul 07, 2011
Marriage Counseling and Depression
by: new port

Marriage counseling has been suggested as a treatment for couples with a depressed spouse on the basis of the strong association between depressive symptoms and marital distress.

The role played by marital negative factors on onset and maintenance of depressive disorders; and the possible buffering effect of interpersonal support and enhanced intimacy on depressive symptoms.

Because depression is associated with marital problems, a handful of studies have looked at whether marriage counseling can be used to treat depression.

These studies showed that marriage therapy is as effective as either Cognitive Behavioral Therapy or Interpersonal Therapy. It also is as effective as antidepressants. In addition, marriage therapy improved the overall quality of the marital relationship.

Jul 06, 2011
My problem
by: kelly

I knew we would have to move for his job. But we always said we would settle in Glasgow, near my family. And in regards to his son, i accepted he would always be part of our life and i don't have a problem with that.

I want my partner to be part of his son's life. But there are no job prospects in the town we would have to move to. We wouldn't have a home, and the days she wants us to have him are only to suit her.

I would want my partner to stay in Glasgow and see his son on weekends. Then we can still have our life and he can still be a dad.

Is that too much to ask for??

Jul 06, 2011
My heart goes out to you both
by: Anonymous

This is definitely a very difficult, touchy situation.

When you married your husband, I assume you realized you would be moving around a bit due to the fact that he is in the military?

You also recognized he had a child from a previous relationship, and he would want to spend time with this child?

Perhaps the best compromise would be to have the legal courts involved stipulating when your husband would have his son- giving specific dates during the course of the year. I also wonder how long your husband has left serving in the military?

When you have your child together, I agree it would be most beneficial to be close to YOUR family so as to receive help and support from them as you raise your child. Just seems the wife's mom (family) would be the most supportive when a baby is involved.

Wishing you both only the best! Good Luck to you!

Click here to add your own comments

Join in and write your own page! It's easy to do. How? Simply click here to return to Relationship and Counseling Forum.

Eugene Kayser, lic. Marriage & Family Therapist

418 Stump Rd., Montgomeryville, PA 18936


If you would like to receive the Couples Guide Newsletter containing articles on relationships, please sign up below.

Visit  The Relationship Forum  to get and give advice on your relationship issues.

If you're struggling with your relationship, this is the place to talk about it!
Our counselors will answer your questions.
And you, our readers, can offer advice from your experience.

"You gave us counseling without making either one of us feel that you were taking sides.
You always maintained your impartiality with us. You encouraged Rita to be more assertive in stating what she wanted to get from your counseling sessions, as well as what she wanted to get from the relationship.
You taught both of us better communication between ourselves, which lead to an emotional comfort level between us that didn't exist before.
You took control of the direction of the session if things were not moving along.
Thanks so much
for helping us."

Rita and Mark

Eugene Kayser, MA, MFT's profile on the Gottman Referral Network