Sister-in-law and husband kissed

by Mary
(California )

So I found out the most horrible way that my husband had been unfaithful and kissed another woman. I found out because he accidentally sent a text meant to go to her but instead sent it on a group text to many people. Everyone just assumed it was meant for me but I knew it wasn’t. So of course I confront him and he tells me it was a girl from the gym that flirted with him.

So we go to counseling and I feel like we are getting to a better spot but still something was continually eating at me that it wasn’t all adding up. I confronted my husband that I thought it was our sister-in-law (whom I was super close with) and he denied it and actually made me feel like how could I even suggest such a thing. So we move forward again and still my head wouldn’t let go of these thoughts.

Fast forward to about a year later and something in me told me to check out where he was (during a work day). I find his truck parked in a parking lot with the window shades up and about 20 minutes later who do I see get out of his truck? Yep, my sister-in-law. So I immediately confront him and she had already driven away and didn’t see me. He tells me I have the wrong idea. She was venting to him about her husband (his step brother) and that’s it. I even called her and she said the same and swore to me he is just like a bog brother to her abs she was leaning on him for support... nothing else. LIES!

Well that was about 8 months ago. 3 days ago I come to find out it was her all along. They made up the story about the girl from the gym to “protect” me and my brother in law. I confronted my sister-in-law yesterday about all of this via text and her response is so not remorseful. What she tells me now is it was just one kiss. The truck was just her venting to my husband and he kissed her in an unromantic way to comfort her.

My head is literally spinning from all the deceit. And what makes it worse is that this is all old it didn’t just happen. So my husband and I had finally got to a good place but now I find out the truth and I feel like It’s all fresh again. My husband can’t understand why I can’t just let it go. Nor does he or my sister-in-law understand how much they just ruined family functions for me and my brother in law. Help! I don’t know what to do or how to feel. I’m at a breaking point.

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Eugene Kayser, MA, MFT's profile on the Gottman Referral Network