Sorry: This question is sexual in nature

by Nikki
(PA)

My husband and I have been together 16 years, married 8 years. It wasn’t until after we were married he began to express interest in anal sex. Anal was never on my radar so I just told him it’s not happening. He mentioned it more often so about 4 years ago I agreed to try it. It was painful as hell but I tried again thinking I just needed to relax. But I still didn’t like it so I told him I didn’t want to do it again.

We’ve continued this cycle of trying it and not liking it. I’ve done research on anal sex and everything just trying to find ways for me to feel comfortable with it but I just don’t like the pain and the possibility of poop.

He has cheated on me and had anal sex with at least 3 other women. We separated for a short time this summer because of the infidelity and other problems. When we got back together I told him I’m not interested in anal and he’d have to live with that. He acted like he was ok with that but he’s back to asking for it. He feels I should be able to do that at least once a month since he is making changes to make our marriage work.

I don’t think I should have to endure physical pain just for his pleasure, not even once a month.
How can we get past this?