Trips to visit family result in arguments
My husband (47) and I (52) moved 500 miles away from home. His dad (73) and only family now lives with us but my family is back home. I always go home for Christmas but he’s only come with me twice in 12 years away. I always tell him what day I’m leaving and when I’m planning on returning. Plus I write it on our calendar.
I now have a grandchild and I’m home for Christmas. I told him and wrote it on our calendar I would be driving back on the 30th. He’s accusing me of telling him I’d only be away a week. He said that he will get his “getaway” in. Problem is health issues prevent him from traveling very far. We took in a stray kitten two months ago and now he’s threatening to get rid of the cat. I told him it better be there when I got back and he started cussing me out and to never threaten him ever again or I’d regret it.
He doesn’t work due to his health and I have a 6 figure job that I truly love but I feel like the only reason he’s with me is due to the money I make. He did have a rough childhood which I was fully aware of before I married him. He has laid his hands on me once but never again. (He was drunk and doesn’t drink now). He can be very loving and supportive one minute but very hateful with words seconds later. He is on medication and is much better than he used to be.
We have each other’s login information to all social media platforms. I have found him searching for two exes and also a message asking a buddy how to delete a Facebook messenger conversation (one of his exes had a son die and he supposedly messaged her to give his sympathy. Why I don’t know when she put sugar in his gas tank ruining his truck and tried numerous times to break us up). His buddies send him messages with naked women all the time. If the roll was reversed and I was getting those pictures he would have a cow!
Thing is......every time I leave, he always makes me feel guilty for being gone so long. It starts even before I leave with the little digs and arguments over stupid stuff. We haven’t had sex since February due to his medical issues that cause ED. We used to use toys but that stopped also in February. I love him because he’s always been supportive of me and my job and how I have gotten old self back since my first husband all but destroyed me.
I’m wondering if he is a narcissist. How do I visit my family without worrying about my marriage every time? I don’t want to go through another divorce.
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Eugene Kayser, lic. Marriage & Family Therapist
418 Stump Rd., Montgomeryville, PA 18936