Unhappy in marriage
Hello here, I've never posted online before. But I'm so unhappy in my marriage. We are together nearly 15 years. Married neamrly 3 years. We have a child together.
We got together very young and I've not really known another relationship. Now approaching my mid 30,s I feel a real shift in my attitude to my husband.
I have been through much change and trauma. My parents divorced in the time we've been together, my brother died suddenly recently, his father passed away recently, I've lost 2 infant nephews and also juggling self employment between us where work and money changes frequently.
My husband was unfaithful 2/3 times that I know of before we got married. He promised to change once our child arrived and took our vows. You will say I am naive and stupid but please bear in mind the love we share and how much has gone on around with no or little support from outside family members... we've only had each other.
He would be more open minded and liberal than me. I am more traditional and conservative in my views on relationships. He is an artist writer and musician and I am or come from a more structured background. Now he is flirtatious and keeps forming relationships with other beautiful sexy women online after he meets them. He keeps the correspondence secret and keeps playing with fire while the women keep basically saying they like him and would like to be with him. He doesn't say no or yes... he kind of enjoys the praise and attention that I'm not giving him, being tied from raising a toddler and grieving the loss of my big brother etc.
I'm struggling with my sadness and he is not healing. He keeps allowing women in. Not sexually But emotionally. I've confronted him and I'm extremely anger. He calls me controlling and insecure. He says he's doing nothing and if it gets a little inappropriate with his words it is because I am not giving him the kindness tenderness and affection he needs. He says I'm moody and cold all the time. This isn't entirely true. I just don't feel I can trust him anymore.
When he leaves for business I feel calmer, happened and more in control. I would leave but our child adores him. He is a wonderful father and I suppose provider but he is neglecting me. Emotionally and physically and also plays games with my head by hiding his relationships with other women that are flirting with him... what do I do? Please help 🙏
Eugene Kayser, lic. Marriage & Family Therapist