Unhappy sex life
I am a 32 year old man, and my fiance is a 38 year old woman. We have been together for a little over 3 years now. I have two step children that are 12 and 17 years old.
In the beginning, she couldn't keep her hands off me. I have struggled in past relationships with intimacy ( not wanting to have sex) on their end for as long as I can remember. So when I finally found somebody that wanted me as much as I wanted them, it was amazing.
I know that the honeymoon phase wears off, but I still desire her as much as the first day I met her. Unfortunately, I don't think she feels the same way. She says that she finds me attractive, but how can that be if she hardly touches me anymore?
We both see therapists individually. Trying to work on ourselves before we tie the knot. There are a lot of things in her past that haunt her (molestation). And I have unresolved issues about my ex. I can't even begin to understand what she went through. but I'm trying to be as patient as I can be.
I work full time just like her. I get up early to work and am off early in the afternoon. This allows me to take care of the kids, cleaning, laundry, and cooking. I have always done the majority of these things in our relationship. I don't mind doing them, and she tells me that she appreciates it. But the question still remains, why do you not want to be intimate with me?
I don't feel attractive, my self worth is little to nothing, and every time I hint at sex and get shot down makes it that much worse. We will go once every 3-4 weeks in having relations with one another. I have told her once before that my needs were not being met, and it didn't seem like it was that big of a deal when I stated my issue.
I've always had an issue with porn. But it never took away my desire for physical contact with her. (Another reason for therapy). But when I'm constantly told no, it's what I'm turning to, because porn never tells me no.
Don't get me wrong, I've made mistakes in this relationship. I have never cheated, but I have lied. That's part of the reason I'm in therapy.
I'm tired of feeling guilty asking. But I'm also tired of being told no every time I do ask. I don't hardly ask anymore because I'm tired of being told no.
Am I crazy??? Any kind of insight from another would be nice.
Eugene Kayser, lic. Marriage & Family Therapist