Unsupportive husband

by Tracey
(United kingdom)

Hi I have been married for 29 years and we have two daughters 25 and 19 (today!). My husband was brought up in a non demonstrative way and has never really been a cuddly, empathetic person. He was before we married and really I think he changed when we had children. He has lots of nervous energy and will not sit still for a minute but he is a hard worker.

I have had general anxiety all my life and now and then it flares up. I had a breakdown when my oldest daughter was three. In the last couple of years my health anxiety has got out of control and I go from one health crisis to another spending days in bed. Hubby has no time for it and tells me to stop being ridiculous and I’m to get a grip he won’t even give me a cuddle. Sometimes I am pleading to be cuddled but he will watch me having a panic or anxiety attack in a heap on the floor and just walk away.

I haven’t worked for a couple of years because of my anxiety and he is holding everything together. He is consumed by his own anxiety and is about to start a new job as he’s been so unhappy where he is. He also never gives me any credit for bringing up the girls on my owmn a lot because he worked away a lot of the time. As far as he’s concerned he works and pays for everything. He never even took time off in holidays like other family men, it wasn’t until just before they went back to schoo that he would have some time offs and by then I was exhausted sorting them out and working. He is so stressed he is nasty but I get told I am the one destroying everything.

I am trying to help myself out of this swamp I have done CBT, I’ve been on meds for years and I’m talking to mental health team but I’m struggling. I do want to be of help and feel useless. My eldest daughter has just moved out and my youngest has her own life so we should be enjoying this time but everything’s wrong. I don’t know what to do.