Want my marriage to work

by Chitra
(Los Angeles)

Hello - We are an Indian couple. In our country we have lot of arranged marriages where parents arrange and fix the marriage. Parents do not accept love marriages easily.

Ours is a love marriage. We are from different religion. We met as colleagues , fell in love. We struggled 6 years for our parents to accept our marriage. And finally we got married in 2013. I thought we are happily married. I share everything with him. I had no secrets. But he is an introvert. But we were doing things together happily. Religion has never come in between us. He follows his beliefs. And am on mine. No complaints till today. We have always been practical couple. No surprises. Just everything normal and planned always.

We have a boy born in 2016. Problem started to emerge in 2019. My husband doesn't like to be questioned. If I ask him anything he will just snap. He says am always defensive and he was not able to make any conversation with me. We had so many differences and conflicts. I was thinking those as small issues and did not give much importance and I was happy in our marriage. But seemed my husband was not the same. We had 2 months rough time when we planned a trip to India. And I think he got very frustrated in couple of instances. And we came back to US in couple days (June 16) he came and asked for a divorce. He said there is no emotional connect and he doesn't love me anymore. I was literally shocked. He said he will move out in a week and apply for divorce. I cried , pleaded and said I will change but nothing worked. I thought he is just angry and he will come around so thought of giving him some space so I just started keeping quiet. He stopped eating anything I make for the past week. He comes home only for sleeping But he has not moved out yet. He has not told about this issue to the family. Only one of our common friend knows about it and my husband is not ready to talk about it with that friend as well.

My husband look at me as though am his enemy. He says he lost the 11 years of his life because of this relationship. I know he really loved me. I wanted to restore the love and want this marriage to work. Appreciate your help. Thank you.

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Eugene Kayser, lic. Marriage & Family Therapist

418 Stump Rd., Montgomeryville, PA 18936


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