We've been at each other's throats. I'm trying to gain control.
Our fight started Friday, July 27th and it is now Sunday, July 29th. I'm losing my mind about how else to handle these petty little arguments that seem so major. We've been married for two months. I'm 29 weeks pregnant with our first child. I don't know how to take care of this marriage we wanted because everything seems to be such an issue.
Where do I start? I'm not perfect. Hormones have controlled my actions. I've lost my cool more than a few times. Yelling for example. He says, "I'm done with your yelling." I say, "okay, but you yell at me too." I say, "I'm tired of your threats, insults, and complaints." I don't threaten him. I don't insult him. I complain about how he is with me just the way he complains about me.
He likes to threaten me by saying he will file a geographical jurisdiction because I'm pregnant. I had to find out what that meant because I didn't know. He got hot and bothered because I spoke to an attorney in April about it and I never told him. Just told him the other day I had spoken to an attorney. I said, I got tired of the threat so I needed to get informed.
I feel he thinks it is okay for him to tell me so many things, but it isn't right for me to do the same. He compared me telling him he is "messed up" being much for offensive than when he told me to "stop being stupid." It is really petty! He says me saying "stop crying" or "being a baby" is much worse than "stop bitching." He has been getting upset
about me being on the phone when I wake up and when I can't sleep at night JUST because I get upset at him when he's on his phone during dinner or when I want to have him to myself.
Communication is just one way. He wants me to tell him everything, but he can't tell me anything. We emphasized communication from the very beginning and it seems like he forgot about it.
Again, I do not know what to do anymore. Walk away sane with a child still in my belly or stick it out because I vowed to stay with him for better or for worse. I've changed and tried to make things better for us, but I do not see the effort on his part. He is still the same prideful person and hard headed person. I've given him his space then go to him and ask him if the argument is over. I've gone to bed even though we are upset with each other. I don't leave the apartment because if I do, then he takes it as if I'm leaving him.
I have more...I started keeping track of our arguments first as a text message that I was sending him after a fight, but now it's more of a journal and a way to express myself without keeping it in. It just sounds bad.
What I feel I do wrong, engage into the dumb argument. I yell/scream because I've had it. I'm prideful and don't give in. I say I'm done and I'm leaving him. I can't leave him though. I love this guy. I married him. I'm tired of saying that, but it has become the norm. Unfortunately.
Eugene Kayser, lic. Marriage & Family Therapist