what do I do...

by deleste
(south africa)

Hi,I am engaged. And my fiancee is a wonderful man but he attacks me with emotional and verbal insults. I have told him and even cried that it hurts me and makes me feel inadequate and insecure. He promises to quit with insults but as soon as things don't go his way he blows up, breaks and throws things and start attacking with emotional insults.

He threatens me, blackmails me and and swears at me. I'm so scared to speak up, be myself around him otherwise I might push on the wrong buttons. I feel torn, hurt and broken.

I'm not perfect but the man I adore, cherish and love puts me down every time he has a chance. I have had suicidal thoughts lately, thinking if someone I love so much sees me like this, then my life is not worth anything. I cry everyday now and think nothing of myself.

I try so hard to keep him happy and not upset him to a point I forgot who I am. I used to be a strong, confident, have a mind and voice person, but now I don't care for myself.

I have prayed for a change, that he will love and respect me unconditionally. That even though life has it's ups and downs, we stay strong together.

Dear Deleste.... Someone who attacks you emotionally and makes you think about suicide might not be the "wonderful man" you think he is. His behavior is actually abusive, and you might want to compare your stories with others on our page on abusive relationships. Take the quiz and see how you score. Behavior like this before the marriage is not a good sign that the marriage will succeed. It might be helpful if the two of you seek some pre-marital counseling.

Wishing you well,

The Couple Guide

Click here to post comments

Join in and write your own page! It's easy to do. How? Simply click here to return to Relationship and Counseling Forum.

If you would like to receive the Couples Guide Newsletter containing articles on relationships, please sign up below.

Visit  The Relationship Forum  to get and give advice on your relationship issues.

If you're struggling with your relationship, this is the place to talk about it!
Our counselors will answer your questions.
And you, our readers, can offer advice from your experience.

Eugene Kayser, MA, MFT's profile on the Gottman Referral Network