What should I do? Move on or wait?
Before going into the story. I’ll tell a few things. I’m a tamil Brahmin(Iyer) and She is an Iyyengar. We both are in same company (Like kind of having sessions in a college… Like sitting in a class). And this is my first Relationship. She is a few months elder than me.
We were Friends before getting into the relationship. There was not a love feeling for me towards till her birthday. And On her birthday, I somehow fell in love with her. After that for 1 week I could not even properly speak to her. She found out something was wrong. And a week after that I proposed her. She said that she likes me but she needs time since her father is strict or something. Once after I proposed her I was able to talk to her freely like trolling her etc. And one day she said yes to me. I also told her some things like immediate marriage is not possible because I'm just 21 (There were some horoscope things like she has to get married withing 6 months or else for 10 years no marriage ). I clearly told her to think and decide. If you say no then it will not be that much big impact since it was just one week feeling. After thinking all these.Tell your answer. She said fine and said Yes.
YEAH I WAS COMMITTED IN MY LIFE FOR THE FIRST TIME. After that there were marriage talks in her house and torchered her to get marriage as soon as possible. She somehow told about me (Even though she is afraid to speak about this to her father). And As usual as every Iyyengar parents would say “Iyer maapla vendaam” (No iyer boys). Then for the next 10 days there were daily fights it seems in her house.
And then one day she told me that it would not work out. Lets break up. I just asked her one question. “All your reasons are fine.I told all these would happen. Then Why did you said yes to me then.??” She replied she doesn't know the reason. SO WE BROKE UP.
After that I could not be able speak to her for 10 days. And I was little bit feeling low, I really loved her actually I don't know why I loved her. She will daily try to talk to me which I was just ignoring. 10 days passed. Then One day everyone was planning to go to KFC and then I said I have head ache and tried to avoid going. She called me and scolded me why
I was doing like this. Then She picked me up in her bike and we went. I talked a little bit.
Days went like this. And after a few days I was able to speak to her normally. And after some days, We were talking very closely… Like people/friends would indirectly ask me or troll me as if we are committed.And she also know about these trolls.Even after all these our closeness was same. Even though I was trying to avoid her (Only trying to) she will come near me, and start talking.
NOW COMES THE REAL CONFUSION:
After all these She still comes and speaks to me. Starts the conversation. I am also speaking very well like before. But I will sometimes talk bad about her caste or sarcastically troll her etc.. But she is still talking to me. She will do some things which will confuse any one.. For example. She put a Status in Whatsapp like “ There will be people. no matter how far they go.. they will eventually come back to you” I looked at it and did not respond. She messaged me and asked did you see that? I said yes. but I did not ask her why.. I HAVE EVEN TALKED ABOUT THIS TO HER BEST FRIEND WHO IS ALSO MY FRIEND. She also has no idea what my ex is doing…
I was confused and one day I decided to talk to her about this. I started the conversation and she knew that this would come and she openly confessed that she can't imagine someone other than me marrying her. Actually I didn't expect that she would say this. And I told her that, now you have to make the decision. You have to be strong. If you can then we can proceed or else we need to start maintaining distance. And you have to take the decision. If you ask then it will be like compelling you to love me again. Because in future it will become regrettable. And I told her we have to change places. We shouldn't sit together and reduce the physical contact. She said don't do these. Time will heal it. I said no it will become hard for both of us. She halfheartedly accepted it. Now we are like stranger friends. But still she will message me. She will start the conversation.
I'm sure she is thinking of me even when I'm typing this. I don't what I did is right or wrong..
But I still love her.
Is there anything I can do?
My question is should I move on?? Or wait for sometime?
Eugene Kayser, lic. Marriage & Family Therapist