What would you think of this situation?

by Camille

I need some help with a situation and want people's unbiased opinions. My husband and I are in a long distance marriage currently but visit each other fairly often, usually once a week. Something happened the other day and he is so furious with me that he is threatening divorce and

I don't know what to do because I think he's overreacting but he's saying anyone else would feel the same way he does and that he's being too nice with the situation. At this time he is refusing to see me for the rest of the summer over this. Let me start by saying that I am madly in love with my husband and would never intentionally do anything to hurt him or our relationship. There has been no infidelity in our relationship from either of us.

So here's what happened. The other day I went out with a female friend/coworker of mine for drinks and some food at a bar after work. We were there for a couple of hours hanging out and then her husband came to pick her up but ended up staying for a drink with us. It hadn't been the three of us for too long before we saw a male coworker happened to be at the same bar as well (by coincidence, he had not been invited initially) so we invited him to have a drink with us. We all had fun chatting until my friend and her husband decided to take off. My other male coworker and I decided to stay to finish our drinks before taking off. We were only there for about 20 more min and I then offered to give him a ride home so that he wouldn't have to cab (about 1am at that point). When I dropped him off we kept talking in the car for 20-30 min before he got out, went home and then I went home
and went to bed at 1:45am. I had never hung out with this coworker outside of work prior and my husband hasn't met any of these people.

Would you consider this to be a situation to divorce someone over? I honestly don't see that I did anything wrong in this situation. He has never cheated on me and I never on him, we wouldn't do that to each other but my husband definitely has trust issues. We share access to everything and have find my friends and an automatic for our car, shared banking etc so he saw my every move. He knows how much I paid at the bar, when I left, how long I stayed at the bar, how long I was there when dropping off my coworker and when I got home. I have cameras in my apartment to keep an eye on our dogs when they are left home alone and he has access to that to and could have seen when I got home. I have no reason to lie to him but he says that by doing what I did that I crossed a line and he says that if he doesn't get a divorce that he will resent me for this for the rest of our lives.

I am completely distraught and at a loss for what to do. I don't understand how me giving my coworker a ride home warrants getting a divorce. I understand and he was upset that I spent alone time with a male but nothing remotely happened other than conversation.

I'm hoping you all will help me understand his point of view or tell me that I'm not crazy or that he is overreacting. He is my whole world and I would be lost without him. If I had known doing that would upset him that much I obviously wouldn't have done it.

Any thoughts and opinions are welcome. Please help me!

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Eugene Kayser, lic. Marriage & Family Therapist

418 Stump Rd., Montgomeryville, PA 18936


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