Where did the passion go? Is it me?

by Ashley

I have been in this relationship for 7 years. We know each other pretty well and our habits and what we want from our partner.

Well for about 6 months now maybe longer there has been nothing there, and I feel like all of a sudden he doesn’t want me at all. He hasn’t initiated sex at all in these 6 months and when I do I get turned down probably 70% of the time. When I straight up ask for it, it’s usually a no. If I try to be flirtatious in any way it’s met with an upset/angry “what”.

A few nights ago we were watching a movie and there was a part where the male character just walked up and passionately kissed the girl, I said “I miss you kissing me like that.” ( which he used to do frequently) and he responded “well get over it.” And not in a joking tone.

I’m going above and beyond around the house (cooking cleaning finances taking care of things in general) i work a full time job as a teacher and doing all of those things he finds attractive and desirable beyond flirting. I don’t know what to do. I’m tired of being the only one trying to the point where I just don’t anymore. I just don't have the confidence or energy to keep trying only to be shut down. The only physical contact we really have anymore is a brief (seemingly forced) kiss when one of us gets home from work or goes to bed.

In the back of my head I’ve asked all the questions, I have even tried talking to him about it and he either shuts down or shrugs it off and tells me to stop pestering him about it. Honestly the thing that keeps popping in my mind is that he is getting it from somewhere else. I don’t want to believe it but the more I think of it the more I realize all the opportunities he actually has where it could be true.

Am I wrong for thinking that? Am I doing something wrong by wanting to feel wanted? Am I over demanding I’m what I want? What is going on? It’s like a switch in him flipped for these months and I don’t know what to do.

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Eugene Kayser, MA, MFT's profile on the Gottman Referral Network