Wife feels obligated or guilted into having sex
quick background,My wife is Type A personality. Very controlling. Not real happy at her job but never has been happy at her job. She is the happiest when house is clean or some aspect of cleaning the house. I mean literally that's when she's happiest. So sex has never been great. She is very inexperienced and insecure.
So here's where we're at with our sex life. My wife only wants to lie on her back and I lie top and hump her. That's it. No foreplay, doesn't want me to touch her, does not want me to give her massage before sex, does not want me to use my fingers to pleasure her, does not like me to perform oral on her it's non-existent in our relationship, her clitoris does not exist.it's not a part of our sex life.
Many years ago she made it very clear it's too sensitive she doesn't like it. she doesn't want to lie on her stomach she doesn't want to be on top she doesn't want to turn to her side she doesn't want for play. all she wants to do is lie on her back and she waits for me to have an orgasm. The energy and vibe and she puts off his she's doing it out of obligation or she feels guilty.
We have sex three times a month usually Saturday night. During the 5 to 10 minutes of her just lying there she's usually stressed out that my daughter might wake up or she's rarely emotionally present. Again it's usually out of obligation or guilt. Very
recently she made a rare comment and said I think we're over foreplay we're beyond that let's just get to it.there never was any foreplay but I was just gently rubbing her leg and that's when she made the comment. And that comment basically came from the place of let's just get it over with. It's like clockwork within 60 seconds of lying with her she takes off her pants and then says do you want to get something which means condom. And that literally is how it goes for the past 15 years.
She controls everything.I cannot attempt to give her pleasure because she has made it very clear she doesn't like anything, no touching no oral no fingering no touching clitoris no positions no massages she just lies there takes her pants off and says put on a condom. My wife loves me a lot. But she could probably live the rest of her life without sex. And again my whole thing is not wanting her to please me. I'm beyond that and not even beyond that but all I want to do is please her. And she won't allow me to do that. That's such an important part of sex for a man to be able to please their woman. Forgot to mention as well which is probably obvious she doesn't like to be seen naked . She usually always keep a shirt on and be uncomfortable if she's exposed too much. My wife works out everyday and has a beautiful body.its crazy.Anyway sorry for rambling and thanks for listening. Open to thoughts
Eugene Kayser, lic. Marriage & Family Therapist