Wife in despair

by Charlie j
(London)

Hi I have been with my partner for 9 years and we got married during the pandemic last August. Shortly after he told me he didn’t want anymore children (we have a 4 year old and were meant to be trying for a 2nd shortly after) I was so upset as he knew how important it was to me to have a family and a sibling for my son.

It turned out he had severe depression. It took a while but he finally started counseling. We have had problems with money and his work since which haven’t helped. I put aside the baby plans for him and focused on his recovery but he is so cold to me. I feel he doesn’t love me anymore and what’s worse is the way he gets so easily irritated by our child which breaks my heart. I’ve tried to communicate how I feel but it feels I like it’s only allowed to be about his feelings.

He has discovered in counseling that he truly feels things have gone too fast for him and when he told me it hurt me so much. He says he resents moving from our flat to our house (which is a doer upper) I see these things as yes a challenge but also an achievement but he resents it all! I look after our child and work myself and always have done so I’m doing all I can to contribute leaving no time for myself. He works but when ever he can he goes out with friends and doesn’t seem to want to spend time with me.

Tonight I’ve decided 10 months of this is enough and I’m going to ask him to leave temporarily until he decides what he actually wants. He may (hopefully) start to appreciate all he has or decide life’s better without me and part time with his child. I’m so gutted and heartbroken but I would rather be a single mum than be with someone who doesn’t want to be with me but can’t be bothered to leave.

Please any advice welcome, I feel so down 😢