Wife's Serious Weight Problem and Jealousy. Constant Fighting.
My wife and I have been married almost 20 years. During that time, she has steadily gained weight, lots of it. We fight over it constantly. Diets, gyms, counseling, hospital stays- nothing can break the woman's horrible obsession with food.
She is now well over 400 lbs, 3x the size she was on our wedding day! By her own tearful admission, the woman's appetite has grown so large, she simply can't stop eating. It's gotten to the point where she gets up and binges in the middle of the night. I once came downstairs and confronted her- 'Why Jeannie- WHY?' It was on that occasions that she confessed 'I can't stop, Bob, I can't STOOOP!'
As you might imagine, we haven't been intimate in years. Because of the nighttime binging, we no longer even sleep in the same bedroom. I have threatened many times to leave the woman altogether; but can't bring myself to do it because of our 6 children. Thus, I am resigned until they get older to our loveless marriage, unless she somehow manages to lose all the excess weight, as she recently promised to do- finally bringing me to my reason for posting here. 'I'm gonna slim down, Bob, and make you SO proud,' she said out of the blue,' as we drove home from a Christmas party.
Did she know, I thought, that I was SO embarrassed by the width of her rear, which I was afraid everyone was staring at as we departed the bar, that I ignored the old friend calling my name over and over, whom I'd avoided all evening? The sad fact is, I have been ashamed to be seen in public with Jeannie for many, many years and had often told her so when I caught her binging. And, now, I strongly suspected that she knew I was once again feeling humiliated by her. So, hoping the incident would provide a reason for a sincere attempt at dieting, I replied 'Look, Jeannie, if this is about me ignoring Bill all night, yeah, you're right; I'm sick and tired of men laughing at me- US-
behind my back. There were women too; at the next table, pointing at you and snickering. You heard what one of them said, didn't you? I know I did- loud and clear. They were making fun of that flowery sash you are wearing.' She then hung her head whimpered, 'Yes, I heard her.' 'What was her punch line, Jeannie? Why were they all cracking up' 'You know what was said, Bob, please don't make me repeat it.' 'No, I want YOU to say it, Jeannie, because I've told you the same thing about those damn sashes you insist on wearing.' She finally cried out 'She said 'I got news for that silly woman, that thing isn't hiding her big belly. It's only drawing more attention to it- which hardly seems possible.' 'Ok so you see where we are it, Jeannie, you either lose weight over the holidays or nights out for us will cease,' I then said.
We went in the house; I made her weigh herself in front of me and repeated my ultimatum: I want you down to 450 lbs. (from 466) by the time of Jerry and Barb's wedding in February.' Well, she didn't lose a pound; in fact she gained 7. So I told her 'I'm going to their wedding alone. I'll say you aren't feeling well.' She thought I wasn't serious, so the day of the wedding she got dressed while I did. When I told her 'No, I mean it, Jeannie, you might as well take that dress off.' She started running around the house, overturning furniture, disrobing, and bellowing 'I beg you don't do this to me.' She finally got down on her knees in front of the front door and begged me for 'another chance.' I turned around and left out the rear one.
When I got home she accused me of humiliating her and having an affair. All day she has been in her room, presumably eating. Before I retired I went in and told her that she could 'either continue eating like a pig or have a husband in public once again- but not both.'
Eugene Kayser, lic. Marriage & Family Therapist