Working dad stuck with stay at home stoner

by Anonymous

Together 11yrs, married 6, one son 5yrs.

My wife is a stay at home mom, she wakes up around 1pm goes to bed late and smokes pot all day long, first thing before we see her she gets high, she rarely leaves the house but gets high to do so, including to drive our son anywhere . My son tells me things like mom doesn't have time to play she plays games all day or works on computer. Dinners are typically takeout, Mac n cheese or frozen pizza whatever the least possible effort is. House is always messier then when I leave, sinks full of dishes, laundry never done, all adult messes not talking kids stuff.

*I don't feel a stay at home mom needs to do all of these things alone, I think it should be a shared responsibility and it is very much not shared.*

I am the main parent in the relationship, I do all the dr, dentist and extra curricular activities (gymnastics, swimming), he has not had school yet, he's starting k. this upcoming year but I also have my own homeschooling plan i made where he can read and write pretty well along with some light math and arts n crafts. I do the grocery shopping and cooking on my days off.

I feel stuck because I work the night shift, I have a HS education and a pretty well paying job where I don't feel I can easily change job/shift. (Wife has a masters degree but does not like the teaching job its for)
I leave for work at 2pm and from the outside it is like my wife is the main one home, I would never leave if it would risk me not being with my son.

There's no way she would be honest about our life if we went to court and likely end up in a toxic relationship (which has been all of her relationships up until ours according to her) that my son would be exposed to. Her family has an idea of how she is, sleeping all day, smoking pot, medicated for anxiety and depression but they do not know to what extent as she is very good at putting on a happy face to the world.

What can I do? I feel trapped, we've had many talks, it very much feels like I'm talking to an angry teenager and never make any progress.

Click here to post comments

Join in and write your own page! It's easy to do. How? Simply click here to return to Relationship and Counseling Forum.

If you would like to receive the Couples Guide Newsletter containing articles on relationships, please sign up below.

Visit  The Relationship Forum  to get and give advice on your relationship issues.

If you're struggling with your relationship, this is the place to talk about it!
Our counselors will answer your questions.
And you, our readers, can offer advice from your experience.

Eugene Kayser, MA, MFT's profile on the Gottman Referral Network